In your lifetime,
you're going to help people
with all different kinds of problems.
It might be students, patients, friends, colleagues,
strangers and family.

In business, consultants listen for openings
to offer themselves as the solution.
Hey - you have a problem there.
Hmm..I wonder what could solve it.
Wait a minute! I know - ME!
Which is very convenient for the consultant.

So on one end, the person helping
might be busy with a prepared answer
ready to "customize" on a moment's notice.

If you're listening with a set of answers in mind,
are you really listening?

On the other end is the person with the problem.
"Help! I'm stuck in a tree!"

How did you get there?
" I climbed it."

So why don't you come down?
"It's complicated."

Of course it is. :)

Now we're not including the "Captain Obvious"
tragedies and disasters in these complications.
Make a list of them before we get started.
The terrible accident? I'm not talking about that.
That's an accident - not a complication.
The horrible illness? Nope. Not that either.  
I am officially not talking about anything on that list.
I defer to your judgment to know the difference.

A complication is a frame where certain things
can't be addressed freely because it's extremely uncomfortable
or potentially puts something important at risk.

It's a problem that's frozen in amber.
Nothing is going to change in the foreseeable future.
No. Way. Out.

But complications aren't all bad are they?

Some complications buy you time
and give you cover for sub par efforts.

These types of complications
are the wingmen to procrastination.
They give all the alibis and
back you up like loyal friends.

Complications are like
a dream public relations agency.

You want examples.

Here's a few:
It's not that you're afraid to talk to the client,
it's the client is hard to reach.

It's not that the student needs extra help,
it's the student doesn't take the teaching seriously.

It's not that someone needs extra training,
it's "we need to find more motivated people."

It's not that you turned in sub par work,
It's "my heart just wasn't in it."

See all the work complications do for you?
You get all the credit and none of the blame.
These complications are pretty awesome! lol

Now if someone is telling you these complications,
who wants to bother debating with them?

Isn't it so much easier to just agree?
You can come up with ways for them to find new clients
instead of dealing with their fears.

Even for yourself:
You can look for easier topics to teach
instead of digging deeper with a student.

You can make promises
with asterisks to people.
I promise to give you my best*
(*unless I'm feeling scared, uninspired,
overwhelmed or my heart isn't in it)

Of all the problems
you've ever overcome in your life,
I will assert one undeniable truth:
You are very, very strong.

You may be feeling weak in a moment.
But that strength is there.

Notice how I go back and forth 
between someone telling you about their problems
and the problems you face?

Because you're deciding
how to respond to them and yourself.

When you sell something, 
you're saying something
is more valuable than something else.

When you listen, what you value
determines what you hear
and what you remember.

You can write whatever you want.
The reader decides what is valuable.
So you keep this in mind.
You have things you repeat.
You have things you emphasize.
AND you have things you downplay.
You even have things you deliberately leave out.

Hello complications! 

The narrator designs the story.
Why are you telling me the story in a certain way?
How else could the story be told?
Are you leaving anything out accidentally or on purpose?

Think about it.
When a contract is disputed,
one side sees themselves as the hero.
Funny enough, so does the other side.

Family members remember key events differently.

This goes to the core of what I try to teach:
An honest and reliable eye.
If you can't see your role in a problem,
it's going to be hard to fix.

It's easier for a client to point
to spreadsheets than to admit being afraid.

Who else has tight control
of what you see and don't see?
Casinos.

They design slot machines
to have maximum "game play."
So when you put money in,
it doesn't just tell you if you won or lost.
The game would be over in 2 seconds
and it wouldn't be any fun.
Instead there are bright lights and loud sounds.
It gets all your senses involved.
You feel a sense of accomplishment...
While you lose.

That's the difference between a story with an opening
and what I call a "quicksand story."
Quicksand stories have no way out.

When I hear one being told, 
there's usually a line of noble people
who tried to help before me.

If everyone failed to help, that's a red flag.

I'll ask what they've tried before to get free.

When people tell you they're stuck, 
ideally they're sharing all the ways
they're trying to overcome being stuck.
Hopefully they made real progress.

Or at least they're open to trying to get unstuck.

I run into some people
that are determined
to keep their complications.

You know the famous help wrecker:
"but my business is different."
When they tell their story,
it sounds less of a business problem
and more like an episode of Game of Thrones.

There's lots of narrators stuck in trees- with competing stories.
Some fighting help when they get it.
Then even if they like the help, it may not be enough:

• The help didn't come when they had free time.

• That help isn't what they're focusing on at the moment.

• "Maybe come back another time and I'll see if I'm up for being helped. lol"

I get tired just tracking all this!

Then we get to the plot problem.
The plot problem keeps lots of people stuck.
What's the plot problem? The secret script you have.

There's a script for how it's all supposed to go for you, isn't there? :)
Something is supposed to be happening and why isn't it happening?
Why isn't my life like my favorite Instagram feed?

So how many people are really stuck?
And how many people are just being stubborn?

It depends on who you ask. :)

But if you come across help along the way
and you know you need it, 
don't count on the next bus coming.

Take the help.
And give it whenever you can.

Robert

The courage to listen sounds beautiful.
If only we'd just take some time to listen,
our lives would be better.

The web is filled with listening success stories:
People listened to what
their customers wanted - and the money rolled in.
Pick Up Artists
listened strategically
to improve their dating life.

Websites stalk visitors with pop up chat boxes:

It's a big movement -find out what people are thinking.
 
They study the human mind in a cage,
finding weaknesses to probe.
Ways to pull people along,
increase curiosity and get what they want.
Human lives become profit points
on graphs to present at their next mastermind.
Like fishing expeditions beaming with pride at their new catch
dangling on the hook. Those fish never saw it coming.

Listening in some circles is the new mouse trap.
And people are the mice.
 
This can bring us to a crossroads
of intentions and motives.
An intention can be an action taken.
A motive can be your driving force.
 
That sounds so horrible, right?
What's wrong with helping people get what they want?
Helping people can be a caring act.
Once it's intertwined with someone else's plans, things can change.
 
A doctor listens to patient describe her symptoms.
Then a prescription is written.
A doctor prescribing medicine
to help people heal can be helpful.
A doctor looking for ways to increase
prescriptions to get paid,
may not be.
https://projects.propublica.org/docdollars/
 
An Amazon review can be helpful
if someone really shared what they felt.
A review just to drive up sales may not be.
https://reviewmeta.com/
 
Some people buy followers for different reasons.
Those reasons may not be listed on an empathy map.
https://hypeauditor.com/?lang=en
 
This leads us to motives.
The point at which someone
decides they are going to connect to another person.
 
People look at honesty and dishonesty
through a very plain lens.
As long as I mean well, that's all that counts, right?
 
So you can sell something that people need.
And your smile on the video is fantastic.
But listening is not only for money or achievement.
It is not a blunt instrument.

Listening to what people want sounds great.
It doesn't sound like it has any negative parts for you, right?
 
But that is one sliver of what listening can be.

If you're only listening to extract money from someone,
the quality of your listening may be compromised.

You know the phrase "leaving money on the table"?
Like that's the most horrible thing in the world?
 
It's OK to leave money on the table.
It's called a tip. :)
 
Are you also trying to hear
what you don't want to hear?
 
I'm not talking about customer service scripts
where you help unhappy customers.
Or stick strategies in membership programs.
Or surfing Amazon for 1 star reviews
so you can take advantage
and solve their complaints in a profitable way.
 
Here are some reasons why
people don't like listening:

• It might change something you don't want changed.

• It takes time to stop and listen.

• You might have to do something over again.

• You might find someone is unhappy with you personally.

• You'll get bad news like a bad medical diagnosis.

• You're not going to get what you want.

Listening was great when someone was writing you a check. 
Listening can also be like a bill you have to pay.
 
Think of listening like certified mail.
When you send someone certified mail and they sign for it,
now they have to acknowledge getting it.
You have written proof.
 
Someone has to tell you something
and if you acknowledge it,
you're on the clock.

So not listening can be
a way of protection and avoidance.

Example:
If someone tells you that they're not happy,
you might change the subject.
If they tell you they're not happy with you,
you might point to something they did wrong
and push it back on them.
 
You might stall and ask for more clarification.
You might say there is a misunderstanding.
You might be a part of what's
called "diffusion of responsibility"
and muddy the waters by
pointing to other people
and other factors it could be.

Notice how when there's money to be made,
people are falling all over themselves
to find out what their list wants?
 
Are you that interested
to know about the trouble spots
in the rest of your life?
You may not want to hear the answers.
 
The reasons why you listen
determine what you hear.
 
One way to show you:
Write down the 3 people
in your life who are closest to you.
What are personal subjects
that are hard to talk about
with each person?
I'm not talking about current events.
I'm talking about things in your shared past
that just bringing it up can start a fight.
Things that are unresolved but you stopped
talking about it to keep the "peace."
 
Compare the "I LOVE listening" dance to those iron doors.
That's the disparity. That's the gap.

By showing you areas where it's hard for you to listen,
it's easier to see why others find it hard too.

Everyone has areas that are pain points.
When you market to people, what flows with ease from you
can be a deeply held shame for your prospect.

So when they open up to you, 
remember how much your listening
may mean to them.
You could be their last hope.

No pressure there, right?
Just someone's life
hanging in the balance.
But other than that,
no big deal. :)

These are things I try to weigh when I write.
I'm not there in the room with you when you're reading this.
So I have to listen as closely as I can in every possible way.

Here's the most important part - there's things I miss daily.
Even with all the tech at my fingertips.
So all communication with any human being
starts with me listening as a flawed person.
So much easier to listen closely
when you can admit you're missing stuff all the time.

Any changing market had signs
that were visible long before you saw them.

There are things you're not yet ready to talk about.
But you feel them strongly.
That's your common ground
with everyone you meet.

Listen for the life on the line.
Because it is.

Robert

The courage to contact people
is not only in the ability to contact,
but who you contact.

The greater your courage,
the higher the person you can contact
and the person you contact can make a difference in your life.

That frequently means contacting someone:

• who can hire you

• who can supply you with the help you need

• who can make a phone call on your behalf and make a difference

• who can mentor you or teach you

So the stakes are very high in terms of who you contact.  
So why do some people take forever to do it? 

Being turned down is one part. Looking foolish is another.
But if you have a dream that's kept alive by being untested on a shelf, you can keep it in a creatively induced coma by never showing it to anyone. By never pressing "Send" on your email or "Call" on your phone.

If you never put what you have in front of people, it stays safe.
If it's a dream of yours, it's part of who you are.
It's how you see yourself.

You don't get emotional about all your projects, do you?
Some things are kept in a super secret area of your heart.

You won't lose what you don't risk - right?
If you don't count losing by never trying, sure.

OK - wait a minute.
You didn't think this was going to be one of those posts
where I talk about your dream list and tell you to "just go for it!" did you?  lol
Seriously? :)

Years ago I worked for a dating service.
Not like the swiping apps of today.
The kind where you come in person for an interview
and your palms are sweating.
"Oh my God did anyone I know see me in the parking lot?"
"What did I do wrong to get here? " 

Having money to join is not enough.
You and I would have an intense conversation.
Some people weren't serious at all.
They were not accepted. Thank you for your time.

Which brings us to a deeper reason
why some people don't contact dream clients.
And it has to do with how you see other people.

Many people have big dreams mapped out in great detail.
They can rattle off dollar figures, milestones and objects they'll own with their newfound wealth. "I want X million dollars, a house with ___ bedrooms, etc.
They have pictures and vision boards and affirmations galore.

But ask them how much mapping they've done for the people
they care about most in their life and it gets quiet.

I'm not talking about "money so I can provide for."
You're contacting someone - another human being.

Contact courage isn't just about making a big move
or getting what you want. 
The person you're contacting needs your best help.

Are you that person they need most?
Have you taken the time to learn more
about what they need and
how you can best help them
before you contact them?

Contact courage is giving first in the face of "no."
Fully knowing your best could be ignored or rejected.
Not just "giving to get."

So when you make your dream list,
don't just make a list of people you want stuff from.
Think about what you'd like to give them
independent from the outcome.

Not every date leads to marriage
Not every sales pitch leads to a sale
Not every email is opened.

But every contact changes us in ways big and small.
If you start thinking about this on a daily basis,
you won't need the tired pep talks
that never last.

Be the encouraging contact
instead of just the contact
seeking courage.

If someone gives you money,
that money has value that can buy you things.

You don't need to call the person who paid it to you
every time you're about to spend it for the money to "work."

Pay close attention to that
because I'm closing the lesson on it.

When you talk to someone for any reason,
try to leave them with gifts.

Self doubt can sometimes
just be doubting the shell of who you are.
I don't think you doubt what's in your heart of hearts.
You just don't want your heart broken.
Welcome to the club! lol

But if you want your heartfelt dreams
to be cherished by others or at least respected
and encouraged, start paying attention
to those "others" and their heartfelt dreams.

You'll be surprised at how powerfully your life
and those you care about most changes for the better.

Is that "actionable" enough for you? lol

Listen for what no one hears
and people will share with you
what's been left unsaid - until now.

Robert

Trust Is Not A Lock To Be Picked.

People trust doctors with their lives.
They may get second opinions.
They may not be happy.

But right now, people are in 
operating rooms with total strangers
getting ready to operate on them.
That's how much trust doctors have.

Promises and integrity
are before and after.

Lots of people 
make promises.

Not all make it to 
the level of integrity.

The easy way is
to point to "the bad people."

Feels good, right?
That's not US!

I've never seen a major copywriter
post about the virtues of lying.

So we should be all set! lol
If you light a pile of straw on fire,
it will burn the place down fast.

Best quote that fits is Shakespeare.

"The strongest oaths are straw
to the fires of the blood."

Lots of websites
go on and on
about being honest.

They can't fit enough
badges of trust on the page.

Looks like a Nascar
racing car with all the logos.

Flooded with testimonials.

But when the fires of greed
or mountains of bills begin to rise
some people's blog post vows
of purity start to burn.

The web has endless pledges:

https://www.google.com/search?q=our...h4baAhXLnuAKHdg9BY0Q_AUICygC&biw=1259&bih=865

"What you do speaks so loudly

that I cannot hear what you say."

Ralph Waldo Emerson 

How much integrity is there
when sales are down?

When you need money badly?

What corners are you willing to cut?

What clients and products will you rationalize away?

I've seen some otherwise good people
segue pretty fast to the dark side
when their bank accounts get light.

The slippery slope begins 
when trust becomes a conversion metric.

Here's the dark logic:

If trust gets sales....
and sales gets you paid faster....
how can you get trust faster?

Hurry up! We have a deadline! lol

Having a great product 
or service is the bare minimum.

That just gets you to next week.

People pledge their lives in marriage
with wedding vows
that bring tears to everyone's eyes.

Divorce lawyers still 
put their kids through school
on every broken vow.

So even the most heartfelt pledges
of quality on Facebook Live
aren't invincible.

Proof can be shown in a sales letter.
Reputation takes longer.
That's the long game beyond the sale.

Trust is not a lock 
to be picked
or a means to an end.
It's a relationship.

Your sales copy
is your prescription pad.

You're vouching for
a product or service
and someone may be praying
that just this once, 
they can count on you.

When you give someone
hope for their life,
that alone may
be greater than any result 
they get from your
product or service.

The gift of 
believing again.

Most people have 
had their heart broken by
a tragedy or death.

Some so much 
that they wondered
if they'll ever trust again.

Your list has those people.
Even if they never tell you.
Someone reading this 
right now has a broken heart.

No psychic powers 
or predictive analytics required.

Breaking that trust
can do damage
that even sending money back
won't change.

Part of selling requires you 
being able to show all
the benefits of something.

All the parts of someone's life
your widget can make better.

There are also all 
the ways that same widget 
can do damage too.

Knowing both takes 
some getting used to.

People are afraid 
they'll lose their passion 
if they think too much about that.

I know lots of 
great doctors 
who know 
all the risks of their advice.

That's why I trust them.

Years ago I worked
for a suicide hotline 
and then a dating service.

Being trusted
and holding someone's hope, 
possibly for the last time
is humbling. 

I keep that 
same thought with marketing
and everyone I teach.

Translated to online marketing
for the watch tapping 
actionable advice people:

You can have a high click through rate 
because you get their attention.

But that doesn't mean 
they're the right person for you.

If they're not the 
right person for you, 
they're not unwanted 
fish you caught in the net.

They're human beings 
who are trusting you too.
Even if they can't give you money.

Keeping a promise is secondary
to knowing the potentially 
staggering damage of breaking it.
Damage you may never see or know.

Marketing multiplies
that damage on 
an exponential level.

In marketing,
someone's life
is always in your hands.
Whether you get paid for it or not.